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Dubuque, Iowa —As a sure sign of America's lost innocence, there is a growing movement in the country for a return to more idyllic times, specifically those demonstrated by the popular television sitcom "Who's the Boss?" which ran on ABC from 1985 to 1992.
"As an antidote for terrorism and the recent war in Iraq, I can't think of a more appropriate way to re-instill good old fashioned family values than a return to the fun-filled home of Angela Bowers and her housekeeper-turned-husband Tony Micelli," said Dr. Robert Thompson, head of Syracuse University's Center for the Study of Popular Television.
The popular sitcom, starring Tony Danza and Judith Light, told the story of a blue collar New Yorker with a heart of gold who leaves Brooklyn with his daughter for the comforts of the high class Connecticut home of advertising mogul Angela Bowers. There he helps raise Angela's mamby pamby son and enjoys sexual relations with his boss in exchange for cooking and light housekeeper duties.
"With all the ugliness going on in the world today, who in their right mind isn't dreaming about this happy non-nuclear family and their trials and tribulations?" Thompson said. "Sponging off a rich family and getting your daughter's college tuition paid for is the American dream. Tony Danza is America."
War beleaguered Americans from coast to coast have sent thousands of letters to the network in hopes they might create new episodes of the show or even a reunion special.
Network executives, not wanting to jump on the bandstand of predictable reunion shows, have decided to create a two hour special in which Tony Micelli would resign his housekeeper duties and instead run for Governor of Connecticut in an effort to shut down an illegal brothel now run by daughter Samantha (Alyssa Milano). Little Jonathan Bowers (Danny Pintauro) will return from the Navy with his new quadriplegic boyfriend-- a plotline which the network admits they are testing for a possible fall pilot.
The network is keeping a tight lid on whether or not Tony wins the election. | 
